Monday, January 10, 2011

Pre-Bonding Jitters

I think it's just now hitting me.

After tonight, I'll be Eric's wife.

Not legally, of course, and not in any way that humans really recognize, but to him. That's huge, right? I think I should be nervous or something, but I just can't sit still. I don't remember when time has passed so slowly before. There are hours and hours until the ceremony, and Claude says we need every one of them to get me ready for it, which is ridiculous because Eric will love me no matter what I look like, but you try arguing with the fairy.

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness.

I think people must be getting pretty annoyed with me. Claude keeps threatening to make me swim laps if I don't sit still, to get out some of my energy, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I should be doing something, instead of letting all these people do things for me, which still makes me awkward. This should be a bonding time with the women that are on the trip with us, but all I can think of is bonding with Eric later. I love Jenny, Pam, Lacey, Jo, and Kris, and even Bianca is growing on me, but I swear I can't focus on a word any of them are saying. All I can think is that in eight hours or so, I'll be standing in front of Eric promising to spend my life with him, and to love him forever.

I can't wait.

I don't know what forever means for us when he really does have eternity, but I do know that no one else will ever have my heart. It sounds almost silly to say when we haven't even been dating a year, though I guess people marry after less than seven months all the time. After all we've been through together, though, it feels like the time doesn't matter, that I love him with everything I am, and that it could never change.

It's hard for me to think of this as marriage without all the traditional stuff, though. I'm not walking down an aisle, I'm not wearing a white dress, my family (with the exception of Claude) isn't here, most of the people I grew up with won't be here, there won't be any rings... none of that stuff. I can feel how much this means to Eric, though, and it does mean the world to me too. I do kind of wish we were having all that traditional stuff and that my childhood friends and my family could be here too, but that doesn't make this any less meaningful.

I love Eric, and I want to spend my life with him. That matters more than anything else, and after tonight, I'll be his wife.

If only tonight would get here sooner!