Monday, January 3, 2011

Shopping and Torture

 Friends make shopping less painful... but not by much.

Alright, it wasn't really so bad. I just feel so guilty. SO much money was spent, it made my head spin!

Eric said I needed new clothes for Sweden, because it's really cold there. I've only really experienced snow the once it snowed here, but I didn't really think that was so bad. Apparently, it wasn't, and everyone's worried I'll freeze to death. I don't think people can really freeze to death, but I can tell Eric worries about it, so I agreed to a shopping trip. Reluctantly. Very reluctantly.

He decided it'd be more fun for me if we invited some of our friends to come too. Lacey, Jo, Jenny, Pam, and even Claude came with us. It turned into such an ordeal. After some truly traumatizing discussion about my behind, or decided lack-thereof, we were off to the stores. No one let me do any discount shopping. It wasn't very nice of them.

It was all such a whirlwind of way-too-high prices. I don't know what all was gotten, but I do know it all cost a fortune. I tried to stick to real basics and warm stuff, practical things that could be used a bunch of times, with a few exceptions. Lingerie, obviously, though I tried not to get anything too expensive, since Eric shreds it all to pieces anyway. The other exceptions were the dress and shoes I got for the bonding ceremony. Eric insisted on something special since it's a real special occasion, and I agree completely, but oh my goodness. That Herve Leger guy makes a real expensive dress, and those shoes with the red bottoms cost a fortune! Eric didn't seem to mind, but Pam got four pairs! I also got real practical snow boots and stuff, so I don't freeze to death, even though I really don't believe in that.

Eric got some other stuff he put away and won't let me see. He thinks I don't know about it, and he feels pretty proud of himself over it, so I don't want to ruin his fun. It is a special occasion, and I hope he knows he can't spend like that all the time, or ever again, but this really does mean a lot, and I guess Sweden probably is pretty cold, and regular jeans and a t-shirt would be pretty uncomfortable.

Oh! I also invited Claude to come with us. He's real worried about Niall finding out about the whole thing, but he promised to keep it a secret. I don't really think Niall should get a say in the whole thing anyway, since I've yet to actually meet the guy, but it does mean a lot to me that Claude's coming. Even if I haven't known him too, too long, and even if he's pretty overly critical sometimes, he's family. I tried talking to him again about dating Appius, which made me realize I really do love Claude like family already. I definitely worry about him like family.

Speaking of worrying, this witch situation doesn't really seem to be getting much better. Eric and I went to Fangtasia earlier this week because apparently Pam's keeping some prisoners there. He wanted me to read Ashley's mind. That girl is gonna get herself killed one of these days, getting into all these messes. They wiped her mind and asked me to read her to make sure she didn't remember anything, which I did, and she didn't. The whole thing made me so uncomfortable for obvious reasons, but what made me even more uncomfortable was the fact that I didn't utter a word of protest the whole time.

It made me wonder if I'm changing, if I'm becoming someone I don't want to be. Maybe I'm cruel for ignoring what they did to her, or ignoring the fact that there's a witch locked up in that basement like I never heard. Maybe I'm just not naive enough to believe a good talking to is gonna impact these bloodthirsty witches and make them change their ways. I want the ones I love and all the innocent people out there to be safe, and if that means someone who kills might die...

But I can't really stand the thought of being okay with that either. There's always a chance at redemption, isn't there? Though the last time I thought a V-addict was gonna redeem themselves, I ended up with a bunch of nasty knife wounds, and the guy ended up dead anyway. I don't know. I'd do anything to protect Eric, to protect my friends, to protect my family. I guess right now, "anything" means loving Eric even if he has a witch tortured in the basement of his club so he can find out who's behind all this and stop them.

I guess I can do that, but the blood's on my hands too, no matter what Eric says.

They're not the nicest thoughts to have when planning my bonding ceremony to Eric, but since when has reality ever been real nice? I'm darn lucky to be alive right now, and even luckier to have someone to love, and someone who loves me. I know that, and I'm so grateful for it. I might not like some of the darker realities of our situation right now, but I know that the man I love is protecting me and protecting the people he cares about. That has to count more than anything else. It has to.

Anyway, there's so much on my mind to distract me from all of that, and I'm grateful for that too. We'll get a vacation from all this nasty witch business when we go away, and everyone needs that. Life in Shreveport is never boring, but I'll be darn glad to get away from it, if only for a week. It's a very special occasion, and it's one I'm looking forward to with everything I am. Even with a bunch of witches bent on hating vampires, I'm fully focused on loving mine... very frequently!