Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Guilty Conscience

There are certain things I'm used to feeling guilt over. Eating the entire bag of chips, not going to church often enough, or not calling Jason as much as I should. None of them are anything I'd call serious, and that's a good thing. I try to live a good life and to do the right thing. It doesn't always work out that way, and like Gran used to say, "All God's children are sinners," but I think I mostly succeed. I try, anyway, and that's the important part. Intentions count.

Thing is, I've felt guilty lately. And it's over Bill.

Now, I'm not saying I forgive him for what he's done or that he didn't have it coming from him. No one forced him to go above Eric's head to the Queen and try to get him killed. I can't forgive him for that. He deserved to be exiled, and I know given what Eric wanted to do to him, he's lucky to be around at all.

But Jessica's getting married soon. And Bill's just about the only family she has left.

I know he hasn't treated her right. He was too controlling, just like he is towards everyone else, and he wasn't really teaching her a whole lot before he was forced to leave, but I know she misses having a mentor figure. Isabella can only help so much, I imagine. I wouldn't really know.

I just keep thinking Jess isn't gonna have anyone to walk her down the isle. If they have a human ceremony, that is. She and Hoyt announced their engagement to be married, not to be bonded, so I'm assuming it'll be a human ceremony.

Anyway, I'm assuming her real daddy's not gonna come, and I can't imagine Bill will get a pardon from the king or queen to be there. It's just… sad. And I know it's not my fault, really. Bill's betrayal goes back even before he met me. It's just hard not to think that if he'd never found out about me, he wouldn't have gotten himself into trouble. Though, I guess then Jessica never would've been turned, never would've come to Bon Temps, and never would've met Hoyt. And I might not have met Eric.

Weird how one little decision can change the course of so many lives, isn't it?

I guess that means I should quit feeling guilty about the whole thing. Maybe.