Monday, May 2, 2011
For someone who loves Spring, and I really do, I hate this week every year, and I have since I was little. The days leading up to Mother's Day have always left me missing my own mom, and recently, Gran.
I think in some ways, a lot of ways, dealing with her death has been harder than dealing with my Mom's. I guess because I was so young when Mom died, Gran sort of took her place. Not entirely, of course, but Gran raised me. Even though my parents weren't around, Gran always made sure I had everything I needed. She went to all my school conferences, held me when I cried, made sure every holiday was celebrated, and gave me all the love I could ever want. I never felt deprived with her, which I guess makes missing her that much harder.
Add that to the fact that Gran was murdered so violently, and Mother's Day has been a hard holiday to get through.
Of course, up until this year, I didn't know that Mom was murdered pretty violently herself. This is the first Mother's Day I've had to pass all those happy looking displays and think of how terrified she must've been when she was killed. I've always wondered how my life would've been different if she and Dad were around, and though there was anger about their deaths and how unfair it was, there was never anyone to blame for it. It was a flash flood, nothing anyone could've done about that.
Now I know they were murdered, and a big part of me wishes I could've known what it would've been like to actually grow up with them. To celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day like any normal kid would've been great, I bet. I know lots of kids grow up without a mom or a dad, and I'm real lucky I had Gran, but… it's hard not to feel like it's unfair that they've all been taken from me.
I guess it's not all bad. This is Tara's first Mother's Day as, well, a mother, which is pretty great. I bet Sam takes real good care of her and Maya on Sunday. He always takes good care of them, though. I wonder if Merlotte's will even be open, what with the two of them being so busy being a family and all. I couldn't be happier for the two of them.
And it's Gianna's first Mother's Day in years with her mom since she was murdered. I bet Isabella and Angelo have a great day with her. I hope no one gets shot.
I wonder if it's Jessica's first Mother's Day away from her mom. She probably won't even notice, what with Hoyt proposing to her and all. It's gonna be a great weekend for them no matter what. Hopefully Maxine lets them be, for a change, though on that day, I can't imagine she will. Goodness knows she takes every chance there is to remind that boy she birthed him.
Portia just gave birth to Liam, so she must be over the moon about that. I can't imagine her and Luke having a better Mother's Day present. MeeMaw must be over the moon about it another grandchild. She'll be feeding that baby one of her prize-winning cakes in no time flat.
And I hope Terry's gonna be doing something nice for Arlene. Lisa and Coby are a little bit of a handful, but I bet they plans something nice for their mom. Well, I bet Lisa plans something nice and Coby tags along. He's still a little young to come up with anything themselves. Arlene's one of the hardest working moms I know, though. She deserves a day off.
I'm happy for them all, I really am, I just wish my Mom or Gran were alive to celebrate the day with me. I can't imagine finding too much joy in the day without them, but who knows? Eric always finds a way to lift my spirits, and maybe I'll get to spend the day with Jason, if he's not too busy, or Claude, if he's not with his mom. If I get to spend the day with some family, maybe it won't be such a depressing holiday after all.