Wednesday, September 25, 2013


I don't think I've ever felt so powerless as I did last night.

Watching the battle against @PrinceVladTepes unfold around me while being unable to actually do anything myself was awful beyond words. I was surrounded by vampires, fairies, and a were, all faster, stronger, and far more powerful than myself, and the difference was nearly tangible to me.

I almost felt useful earlier in the day, too. When I identified all those Weres coming toward us long before they actually got near us, I felt like I was putting my gift to good use. Like I'd helped in a way only I could've. But really, I couldn't even get a clear read on them. They could've been anyone.

And then to be stuck at @RomanLucious', @ClaudeCrane's, and @MermaidKendra's hideout with @BrierFerrior and nothing to contribute and no way to get a message to @SheriffNorthman before sunset, I felt pretty helpless. That bothered me slightly less, though, because no one could do anything at that point. Claude needed to save his strength, not be pooling all around, and anything the rest of us did would've only given away the location. So, even though there was really nothing I could do, at least we were all in the same boat.

It was once I was inside The Prince's estate, sealed in by @WitchyHannah and @JadeChiara_ that I felt really powerless. Not against @DakotaARyan, of course. I probably could've taken her. But even she was a seriously costly distraction. With her making petty little threats at me and Brier while Roman and The Prince were bantering, I couldn't keep track of their conversation. I couldn't hear Vlad decide to kill me first. I couldn't prepare to defend myself.

That's pretty foolish thinking, though, isn't it? That I would've stood a chance of defending myself? Even with a silver dagger in each hand, I would've just annoyed him while he was ripping my head off. Even with vampire blood in me, I can't match their strength or speed, or even their senses. I could hardly see him coming. And even being part fairy, I don't have their powers. I didn't even know they had the powers they showed last night! So that left me, the human. Telepathy's not such a good weapon after all when you have The Prince of Darkness trying to kill you.

I'd be dead if it weren't for Brier. I say that with absolutely no exaggeration. He saved my life, and I am so grateful. There's no way, supernatural human or not, that I would have survived that hit from Dracula. In the end, even Brier didn't survive it, and he's so much stronger than I am. And had Roman not grabbed me out of the way, I probably would've been killed next, before I even knew what was happening. Sometimes I think I forget just how fast vampires are, and how deadly.

I was out of the fight after that, not that I could honestly say I was ever actually in it. The only reason I bled at all was because Dracula actually threw Roman at me. I was too focused on trying to keep Brier alive to even see him coming, but I came out of that with a pretty bad gash down my face and a pretty nasty accidental bite from Roman. That was hard to get up from, but Brier was fading, so I tried CPR. I didn't know what else to do. It gave him a few minutes, I think. I don't remember how long we went on for. It felt like eternity, as cliche as that sounds, but the idea of losing your friend after he'd just saved you… You can't imagine. I think I bled on him more than I actually helped, though. He kept choking on blood and, honestly, so did I. I don't know whose it was, probably both, but I kept trying.

By the time it was over and Roman had staked Vlad, Claude had set him on fire with lightening, Roman had drained a good deal of his blood, and Kendra had done some terrifying fae magic that ripped all the blood from his body, Brier was so close to gone, I'd almost given up. That was when the witches must've broken their circle, cause within moments, Eric was by my side. He assessed the situation, asked what happened, and started feeding his blood to Brier. I wasn't expecting it, but it didn't come as a surprise either. I can feel what Eric feels through the bond and, even if it was all jumbley, he didn't want Brier permanently dead. I didn't object, not that it would've been my place to, but I don't think Brier would've wanted to be permanently dead either. He was far too much a part of the vampire world to object to becoming one, I think. Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope not.

I don't know what comes next, for any of us. We have Dracula locked in a coffin, we're still in New Orleans, Brier will be dead for the next couple days and then a vampire, the fairies seemed pretty well tapped out. Someone has to tell @BrookeFerrior what happened. Her husband died saving me, so I should probably be the one to do that, but I want to check with Eric first, see what he says. @VampyJo and @WerepireLucian have their kids to get home to also, and that's just the basics. We don't know what the fallout from this will be. Roman apparently has a long-lost brother to catch up with, even if I'm not sure I actually trust @JulianAjax_, given how fast he switched sides. I owe my own brother a call too, since I never got around to that, but as far as family goes, I think I need to dig a bit deeper.

After my recent discussions with Claude about our family and after having met @SkyPrinceNiall, I'm actually considering Claude's advice to visit faery. Eric would hate it, I know that already, but Claude said that's the only way my powers are really going to grow. Maybe embracing that part of me, like I've started embracing my telepathy, isn't a bad idea.

I felt powerless last night. A good friend died to protect me when I couldn't protect myself. I don't know what it'll take, but I never want to be that powerless again.