Valentine's Day

 Yesterday was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.

Actually, I think it was the only one I spent with someone I love. Oh, I'm not counting family and that, though I've never been one to ignore that it's a day about making sure your family knows you love them too.

I should say it was the only romantic Valentine's Day I've ever had. Or, well, night. Hundr was my Valentine for the day, and he wasn't the most romantic date, thankfully. We played outside a lot, since the weather finally warmed up, and I gave him some puppy treats. He seemed to really enjoy the holiday.

Once the sun went down, Eric told me to get dressed up kind of fancy, so I did, and he took me out to such a romantic dinner. I know going out to dinner can't be so fun for vampires, since they can't eat and all, but he was such a good sport about it. The whole thing was so lovely. Eric can be such a charmer when he wants to be, and he definitely wanted to be. When we got home, he gave me such a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and we curled up in front of his fireplace to watch a movie. Watching a movie in front of the fire led to doing some other stuff in front of the fire... and then in the bathtub, and the bedroom... and well, I didn't get to sleep till well after dawn.

I might not be entirely sure just how married Eric and I are, but I do know that he's so wonderful, and I feel incredibly lucky to have him.

He Loves Me

Eric Northman loves me. I've known it for a while now, but I honestly was never sure he'd actually get around to saying it. I wasn't sure he could say it. He's always talking about how he believes vampires can't love, or vampires can't be happy. I wasn't sure he recognized what it is he feels for me, even though I've known he feels it. I can feel he loves me when he holds me, or when he sees me when he wakes up, or even just when I'm heating up a blood for him. I've felt it, but I didn't really know if he'd say it. I didn't think he knew he loved me.

I never wanted to push him on it either. We've been dating since the beginning of June. That's almost six months, now. I wasn't sure about him at first, and our first date was somewhat of a disaster, but now I can't picture my life without him. I love waking up next to him, I love falling asleep while he holds me, I love making love with him, I love making meals with him, I love entertaining with him, and I love how he trusts me, and I love being able to trust him.

Certain things still make me uncomfortable, of course. I don't like when he spends too much on me, but he has gotten better about it. A lot better, really. And he's truly getting a lot more patient with my friends. He let Tara quit her job at the casino without a fuss, and is even agreeing to go to Shreveport with me to help out with the baby and all that. He didn't try to fight with Serge at Thanksgiving, or even insult him when I explained how many times he and Tara were bonded. Actually, he was great with all my friends at Thanksgiving. He seemed pretty relaxed, talking to Waylon while Waylon pigged out on all the wrong foods.

And now the holidays are here, and I've always thought they were completely romantic. Bill never wanted to do anything for them, of course, but to me they've always been about spending time with family and loved ones. I'm sure we'll have Jason over, maybe even Claude, but I'm just excited to spend them with Eric.

Decorating yesterday couldn't have gone better. We got the perfect tree, even if the way we found it was a little unconventional. I wonder if many couples just pick the tree they're standing next to when they stop to kiss for a while. Eric carried it to the car and into the house like it weighed nothing. I could hardly believe it, though I was a little worried about the whole thing. He's still healing, and I'm pretty sure carrying trees around doesn't help with that. Still, I didn't want to ask him about it and risk hurting his pride. He seemed fine with it, so I let him carry the tree. It was impressive. It usually takes Jason, Lafayette, Hoyt, and Terry to get the tree inside, and even then, it's more of a dragging than carrying.

Stringing the lights was so much easier with Eric there too. Not that I ever forget, but I'm always surprised at how tall he is. He reached the top of the tree with no problems at all, and I was pretty pleased with that. I always hate having to climb up on the ladder for that part. Somehow it never goes well.

Hanging the ornaments was a little tougher, only cause Eric kept coming up behind me and whispering dirty things in my ear. Not that I really complained, in fact I encouraged him just a little bit, but it still wasn't terribly productive. Those dirty things led to sweet things, though, and that was when he told me he loved me. I can still hardly believe it, even after he showed me just how much he loved me under the tree once we finished decorating.

Plenty of things are still uncertain. I don't really know what to do about my job. I'm hoping to talk to Sam about that tonight, among other things. Fangtasia still needs to be rebuilt, and Eric still needs to find a base of operations for his area. There are still a bunch of witches running around who need to be stopped.

I do know that Eric loves me, though, and that I love him. The rest we can figure out, but I know that's what matters most. We'll make our bond permanent by bonding again when it's right, and I can't wait for that night, because I really do believe him when he tells me there are many, many more years of decorating Christmas trees in our future.

Babies

When @SheriffNorthman came over the other night, he had some surprising news. @RomanLucious adopted a baby. Can you believe it? Actually, adopted isn't quite right. He killed the baby's mother and took the child. It's so wrong on so many levels. I know from experience how hard it is for a child to grow up without their parents.

Eric said I could go with him to meet Abel, that's the baby's name, to make sure he's being taken care of right. I've done my fair share of babysitting, but I don't actually consider myself an expert on parenting. Still, I want to meet him, and it'll be nice to see @FaeKayley again. She's so sweet. I really enjoyed the short time we spent together while on vacation. She's dating Roman, and they're raising Abel together.

As much as I disapprove, I'm almost sort of happy for them. They've created this little family together, and isn't that what everyone wants? Maybe Abel is getting a better life now. Roman's finally getting to be a father, which Eric says he's always wanted, and I bet Kayley's really great with kids.

It kind of raises the question, though... What about me? Do I have kids in my future? Am I ever going to get to be a mother? Does Eric want to be a father again? I definitely wouldn't want to get a baby the way Roman did, but would he want to have children another way? Adopt legally? We haven't been dating long enough for those questions to even be asked, but I've wondered if I have children in my future for a long time. It never seemed possible because I wouldn't want to always hear the father's thoughts, so I didn't think I'd ever get that close to someone. Now that I know I can't read vampires, I don't know if it's any more possible. Would I really be want to be able to read my child's mind? How could that possibly be a healthy relationship? My parents didn't deal well with raising a "different" child, so how would I be a better parent?

I guess it doesn't matter right now, though. Children aren't in my immediate future, not at all, so I'll just look forward to meeting Abel. For now, that's more than enough. I can't wait!

My Favorite House Guest

Lately, Eric's been spending a ton of time at my house. I absolutely love it. He came by the other night after what sounded like a pretty boring night at Fangtasia, and he's only left for a few hours at a time since. I keep trying to get him to stay longer. It's so great having him here, waking up next to him, falling asleep in his arms. Seeing him doing things like playing with Hundr in the front yard gives me butterflies in my stomach.

I know he has to return to Shreveport sooner or later, but we've talked about that, and he wants me to come with him. Isn't that amazing? He wants the room I stayed in a while ago to be mine, so I can keep stuff there and have somewhere that's mine during the day that's not light-proof.  I said yes, of course, and I'm so excited. I have no idea what to bring, but I'm so touched that he asked me. We'll set Hundr up with stuff there too. I just hope everyone else who's at Eric's house doesn't mind...

If you could ‘take back’ your virginity from your first partner, would you?

I'd like to say yes, because that relationship didn't turn out so well, but I'm thinking no. All our experiences make us who we are today, the good and the bad, and I like who and where I am today. If takin' that back would change what's goin' on now, I don't think I would. Sure, Bill hurt me, a lot, but all those experiences were worth it to get here.

Ask me anything

What is it that you look for in a mate? Not just sex. The other stuff like, (i.e. humour, tall, brunette...etc.)

The use of mate on it's own implies more than just sex, so this question will take some thought. I have had very few "mates" in my thousand years, but they all seem to have a few common threads.

I desire someone strong and independent, who is not needy or overbearing. At the same time, I want someone who needs me and who I can care for and protect. I need someone of intelligence, who I can carry on a civilized conversation with. A lack of depth is incredibly off putting. I desire someone who compliments me, both aesthetically and mentally, someone trustworthy and loyal, someone I can rely upon and who will not judge me. I look for someone who challenges me and fascinates me so I do not grow bored too quickly.

Also, they pretty much must be blonde. I seriously adore me some blondes.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What is the deal breaker on end a relationship? (i.e. cheating, lying, etc.)

A lack of respect, I think. If you don't respect someone, then it's easy to cheat and lie, and it'll just keep happening. The relationship will never be healthy without mutual respect between the two people in it.

Ask me anything

What is the best gift you received and who gave you that gift?

@SheriffNorthman gave me such a wonderful birthday gift this year. He took me for a few nights on the town in New York City, complete with a trip to a broadway show and this HUGE bookstore. It was so thoughtful, and so much fun!

Ask me anything

What I've been up to...

I've been a little scarce lately, I know, but with good reason! I've been exploring a relationship with Eric, and I got some news about Bill's true reasons for coming to Bon Temps that really had me reeling. Mostly Eric's been takin' up a bunch of my time.

If you're curious, be a fly on the wall, and you can read about my adventures by clicking on the following links. They're in chronological order, with the last entry being our most recent encounter. Enjoy.

A Kiss From a Rose on the Grave - with @SheriffNorthman

Behind Blue Eyes - with @SheriffNorthman, @TruBloodBill, & @NewbornJessica

Winding Roads are Winding Down - with @SheriffNorthman

Stab My Back - with @TruBloodBill, @QueenBlackwood, & @SheriffNorthman

Born for Devastation and Reform - with @SheriffNorthman & @HornDogJason

Between the Sheets

What have I gotten myself into?

The thought crosses my mind nearly every waking hour, because really, what else am I supposed to think about?

Eric's been chasing me since the moment we met. He never bothered to hide his lust for me, no matter how I denied mine for him. I've told him no for as long as I can remember, 'till recently. This trip... I don't know, something's changed. Maybe it's the dates he's taken on, or maybe it's how he lets me see another side of him. A caring side that I wouldn't have expected from Eric Northman that speaks to somethin' inside me, no matter how silly that sounds. He's not a bad man, not a bad vampire. He cares for people, and has his own morals, even if they don't exactly match up with mine.

Maybe seein' that allowed me to see other possibilities for us. Maybe that's what finally got me to stop keepin' him at an arm's length. Maybe it's just that I couldn't keep my hands off him any longer.

It's not like we've... you know, done it. It started off with just kissing, and that led to, well, more, like I guess I should've expected. I let him bite me... twice. So far. So many of our nights seem to end up in our bed, but it's not like that's all it is.

He's taken me out, shown me around, shown that he really knows me from the different things we've done together. I couldn't have asked for better dates. Or better endings to them. Dear Lord, it does not get better than that...

But what have I really gotten myself into? This is Eric Northman. Eric Northman! He's pretty much the guy parents warn their daughters to stay away from. He'll never be happy with just one woman, at least... I don't think, not just me. Maybe other girls are content with just sex, but it's not just that either. We're important to each other. There are feelings involved, and... I don't know that I won't get invested with something.

What if I start wantin' something I can't have? Because, let's face it. I might be Eric's now, but that doesn't really make him mine...

Wedding Dress Shopping

Tuesday, I went with JoAnna, Lacey, Nando, and Claude (yes, Caude) to go to some fancy wedding dress store to pick out a dress for Jo. She's getting married pretty soon, I think, to her Were fiancée, Lucian. They're a really cute couple, and they deserve all the happiness that's ahead of them.

Claude even came in for the occasion, which was awful nice of him, but he seems to love all shopping, even if it isn't for him. He was real nice to me the whole time, which was sort of surprisin'. He's always calling me "cousin," but I guess it's just a quirk of his. I've seen surfers and skaters and those sorts do that on tv sometimes, so I'm guessing it's like that. I'll have to ask him about it sometime, though, since he only does it with me. He's a pretty strange guy, but he was really nice to me. I kind of hope to see more of him. There's something about him that's almost... well, almost comforting to be around. I don't know why.

JoAnna found the most beautiful dress! She's going to look like an elegant queen on her wedding day. I wonder if she'll invite me. Either way, it was beautiful. Nando found it for her. He seems to have a thing for shopping too, and a thing for Claude.

Lacey tried on some dresses too, but I wasn't sure why. Her dress-trying-on prompted Claude to practically force me into a wedding dress, which was kind of... I'm not sure...

Every little girl dreams of her wedding day, I think. I knew from the time I was old enough to understand these things that the odds were against me for that sort of thing. I can't even go on a date with a man without getting frustrated with the thoughts goin' through his head, not to mention pretty offended.

Then vampires were suddenly real, and I was datin' Bill. Bill talked about marriage sometimes. It seemed like I might just get that dream after all, but then he didn't turn out to be quite the man I thought he was.

Now I'm pretty sure I'm datin' Eric, and I really don't think he's the marryin' type. He's definitely not the monogamous type, and anyway, I guess those vows would be pretty silly.

"Do you swear to forsake others so long as you both shall live?"
"Well, one of us isn't alive, so..."

Eric says I think too much. Maybe I do. Even so, it was a fun night with friends tryin' on dresses way outside my price range. Not a bad way to spend some time.

The Fourth [Third] Date

Eric took me on another date tonight. It was so much fun. We went to a book store, where we spent a while shopping around. It was so big! Literally miles of books! Eric got me a gift certificate to it as part of my birthday present, so I spent some of that. I'll have reading forever!

From there, I was really hungry after all that walking, so he took me to a deli.

I'd never been to a deli before, but Good Lord, the food was delicious! I got a corned beef sandwich, a potato knish, and some half sour pickles. I might have to stop at another deli before we leave the city to see if they're all this good!

After I ate and Eric educated me on how a vampire could taste human food through blood, we went back to the hotel. He carried me on his back while he ran, which was a little terrifyin', honestly.

Once we got there, things got a little... heated. We kissed for a while, but when it started to go farther, I had to stop him. I mean, it was almost dawn, but really, when things start to get like that, I get nervous. The whole thing scares me on a few levels. He went back to his room, since it really was almost dawn, but I'm not sure if he's mad, and I'm even less sure of what to do about the whole thing. I want him, but... what if I'm makin' a mistake?

First Date

So… I caved. I let Eric take me out on a date. It was really nice, for the most part. He thought it out real well, and even attempted bein’ a gentleman like I asked him to.

Dinner and a movie’s hard to ruin, and Eric didn’t, not really. It was Bianca who took a stab at ruining it, turnin’ it into a double date without anyone knowin’ about it. The guy she brought was pretty nice, but the thoughts runnin’ through his head… Those were some dirty, dirty thoughts.

Eric was real apologetic about the whole mess. Dinner was good, even if awkward, and then Eric took me out to a movie. He seemed more interested in tryin’ to make out with me than watchin’ the movie, but it was at one of those theaters that shows old classics, and I love those, and besides, there weren’t many people there, so I might’ve given in just a little. Don’t blame me, I’ve done plenty of resistin’ in the past, but this was a date, and it was just kissing!

Anyway, I think we both enjoyed ourselves. I told him he could take me out on another date again soon, preferably without Bianca. I think he plans on it, cause I heard the two of them yellin’ well into the mornin’. Guess he was pretty upset with her too.

Eric Northman on a date. Who would’ve figured?

Men Troubles

This whole datin’ thing was a lot less complicated when I just wasn’t doing it.

I think Bill and I are broken up. I mean, we didn’t say it explicitly, but I did tell him not to call till he finishes this whole database project, and I don’t think he’s ever actually gonna be done with his whole database project, so I think that’s about it.

I expected to regret it more, or to wonder if I did the right thing, distancing myself, but so far, I’ve mostly just been relieved. Relieved not to have to be checkin’ my phone all the time then gettin’ disappointed when I don’t have any messages, relieved not to have to drive past his house and wonder if he’s there and why he hasn’t come by if he is, relieved not to have to worry if I’m bein’ a bad girlfriend when I get upset that I haven’t seen or heard from him in weeks at a time. I guess to feel any relief means I made the right decision, but I’m still pretty sad about it.

I love Bill. He means so much to me, and I think he always will, but it just wasn’t workin’. I honestly thought it would last longer than this. I thought I would have to deal with gettin’ older while he’d always look the same, but we never had to deal with any of those problems.

I read those letters he gave me, but they didn’t help much. It’s entirely possible that he still loves me, but saying it isn’t enough. Writing down affectionate thoughts and only givin’ ‘em to me when I get mad is not any way to conduct a relationship, and neither is arguin’ every minute we’re together, which we’re both guilty of. He said I was practically lookin’ for things to argue with him over, which isn’t true, but I guess I couldn’t figure out how to let all our issues go. Not talkin’ about them didn’t make them go away, and when I’d try to talk about them, he’d get mad that I hadn’t just accepted his apologies and moved on, or get mad I brought it up “again”. It’s not bringin’ it up again if he’s makin’ the same mistakes over and over without even tryin’ to help things get better though.

I’m gettin’ upset just thinkin’ about it. I’m not sure if I’ll see Bill when I get back to Bon Temps or not. I wasn’t seein’ him much when we were datin’, I can’t imagine seein’ him much more now that we’re not. It’s kind of exhaustin’ to think about.

Then there’s Eric. I don’t even know where to start. He’s… incorrigible. I don’t know what to do to make him stop makin’ all these advances. He actually kissed me the other night! The nerve of that vampire. I can’t even imagine how he decided that would be welcome. And after that mess of a car ride, too. Then he comes to tell me about how I’ll be helpin’ listen to this crime family an’ whatnot, and he starts in all flirty. I don’t know what to do about it.

On the one hand, who isn’t attracted to Eric? Let’s be honest. That’s never actually been an issue. He is one beautiful man. I just wish he weren’t so aware of it. Beyond that, he’s funny, and he can say some truly insightful things, but that’s only when he’s not being a complete ass. He’s nearly impossible to tolerate, most of the time, and that’s certainly not the type of man I want to be with. He doesn’t get why I won’t just sleep with him, which wouldn’t be an issue, except it’s easy to forget my own scruples when he’s gettin’ all inappropriately handsy.

But I don’t just want to “have fun” with Eric. I’ve never been the easy type, and I certainly don’t want to start that now. Bill and I just finished our relationship, and I’m not even close to over that. The timing is awful, and anyway, Eric’s not my type. Well, maybe physically he could be, but everything else, I just don’t need. I want to be further away from vampire politics, not more involved, and Eric is definitely more involved. He comes with a whole list of complications I just don’t need, not to mention some pretty scary vampire kids who might just claw my eyes out if I get too close.

… I wonder how a girl would go about becomin’ a nun…

All it Takes is a Drop

Now, I’ve had experience with V dealers and drainers before. I’m not as naive as people seem to think I am. That’s how I met @TruBloodBill, in fact, saving him from the Rattrays. Boy, I do not miss them…

But that’s not the point. I’ve been around these people before. And you know what? They’re scary. Cause not long after I saved Bill, he had to return the favor when the Rats came after me. V addicts are mean, they’re cruel, and they’re not in their right mind.

So naturally, I was pretty unhappy to hear that there are getting to be more and more of ‘em in Bon Temps. Well, all of Area Five, or at least that’s what @SheriffNorthman says. I wasn’t exactly happy to hear it from Eric, either. He was all high ‘n mighty ordering us all to his house in the middle of the night, after a long day of work. The nerve of that vampire sometimes, I mean really!

But I agreed to help him with this V problem anyway. I mean, this is my community. I grew up here, I’ve lived here all my life, my family’s lived here all their lives. I’ll be darned if I’m just gonna let some people like this come in and start messing things up when there’s something I can do to help.

Not that Bill’s too happy with me helping, of course. He was all, “I am Sookie’s keeper,” and of course I didn’t appreciate that one bit. I honestly don’t even think he even said it out of concern for me, so much as just wanting to claim me in front of Eric… Again. The two of them can give a girl a headache.

Bill and I still have our issues, I guess. It’s not the first night we’ve been out together that’s ended in a fight, not that it was a date or anything. I’m seeing him less or less. Seems like one of us is always working, and the other’s always complaining about it. I love him, but sometimes it just seems like more stress than I need right now.

Men. After being dead a few hundred years, you’d think they’d learn a little more about women. Go figure.

Anyway, I’m off to go enjoy the rest of this beautiful day. Talk to you soon!

Love,
Sookie

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I’ve got a date with Bill tonight. I hope he understands why I’m gonna be helpin’ out Eric. He will… Right?