Mother's Day Musings

For someone who loves Spring, and I really do, I hate this week every year, and I have since I was little. The days leading up to Mother's Day have always left me missing my own mom, and recently, Gran.

I think in some ways, a lot of ways, dealing with her death has been harder than dealing with my Mom's. I guess because I was so young when Mom died, Gran sort of took her place. Not entirely, of course, but Gran raised me. Even though my parents weren't around, Gran always made sure I had everything I needed. She went to all my school conferences, held me when I cried, made sure every holiday was celebrated, and gave me all the love I could ever want. I never felt deprived with her, which I guess makes missing her that much harder.

Add that to the fact that Gran was murdered so violently, and Mother's Day has been a hard holiday to get through.

Of course, up until this year, I didn't know that Mom was murdered pretty violently herself. This is the first Mother's Day I've had to pass all those happy looking displays and think of how terrified she must've been when she was killed. I've always wondered how my life would've been different if she and Dad were around, and though there was anger about their deaths and how unfair it was, there was never anyone to blame for it. It was a flash flood, nothing anyone could've done about that.

Now I know they were murdered, and a big part of me wishes I could've known what it would've been like to actually grow up with them. To celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day like any normal kid would've been great, I bet. I know lots of kids grow up without a mom or a dad, and I'm real lucky I had Gran, but… it's hard not to feel like it's unfair that they've all been taken from me.

I guess it's not all bad. This is Tara's first Mother's Day as, well, a mother, which is pretty great. I bet Sam takes real good care of her and Maya on Sunday. He always takes good care of them, though. I wonder if Merlotte's will even be open, what with the two of them being so busy being a family and all. I couldn't be happier for the two of them.

And it's Gianna's first Mother's Day in years with her mom since she was murdered. I bet Isabella and Angelo have a great day with her. I hope no one gets shot.

I wonder if it's Jessica's first Mother's Day away from her mom. She probably won't even notice, what with Hoyt proposing to her and all. It's gonna be a great weekend for them no matter what. Hopefully Maxine lets them be, for a change, though on that day, I can't imagine she will. Goodness knows she takes every chance there is to remind that boy she birthed him.

Portia just gave birth to Liam, so she must be over the moon about that. I can't imagine her and Luke having a better Mother's Day present. MeeMaw must be over the moon about it another grandchild. She'll be feeding that baby one of her prize-winning cakes in no time flat.

And I hope Terry's gonna be doing something nice for Arlene. Lisa and Coby are a little bit of a handful, but I bet they plans something nice for their mom. Well, I bet Lisa plans something nice and Coby tags along. He's still a little young to come up with anything themselves. Arlene's one of the hardest working moms I know, though. She deserves a day off.

I'm happy for them all, I really am, I just wish my Mom or Gran were alive to celebrate the day with me. I can't imagine finding too much joy in the day without them, but who knows? Eric always finds a way to lift my spirits, and maybe I'll get to spend the day with Jason, if he's not too busy, or Claude, if he's not with his mom. If I get to spend the day with some family, maybe it won't be such a depressing holiday after all.

Christmas Gifts for Friends

Here are the gifts Eric and I sent out to our friends and family. We really enjoyed spending the holiday with so many people we care about!

Gifts Between Me & Eric

This holiday was inexpressibly special to me, mostly because of Eric. While it was his presence in my life, and sometimes in my home, that made the occasion so wonderful, the presents between the two of us were heartfelt and meaningful as well.

Those were my gifts from Eric, and for my own dear one, I gave this. It's nothing expensive, but it was made with love.

More Christmas Gifts!

Things have been so busy lately, I know I'm late in posting these, but I'm  hoping everyone will forgive me! I'm so grateful for all the gifts from my friends, and all of you were in my thoughts over the holidays.

From Abigale

From Jason and Breana Bik

From Carver and Winnie

From Jason

From JoAnna, Lucian, and Lily

From Kayden

From Mena

From Oscar

Also from Oscar

From Paula

From Niklas & Talia

From TammyJo

Also from TammyJo

From Fangtasia

From Niklas & Talia

From Waylon

Thoughts Before Christmas

Oh goodness, it's been forever since I wrote here! Things have just been so busy. I guess the holiday season does that to people,

Let's see. Since I last updated, Tara had her baby. I can't believe I didn't write about that! Maya's just the sweetest little thing, and she's named after Gran, which is just so thoughtful of Tara. I know Gran thought of her as another grandchild, so it would've meant a lot to her. She'd be so proud of Tara; I know I am. Seeing her with that baby, she's just a natural mother. It's beautiful.

It makes me wonder about having kids of my own one day, but that's a long way off, if it ever happens. I have a feeling telepaths were really never meant to have kids. I've seen Eric with kids though, and he's just so good with them. He's sweet and gentle, and if he knew I said any of that he'd probably throw a fit, but he really is. He must've been such a good father. I wonder what he thinks about the whole thing, but it never seems appropriate to ask. Maybe one day.

The baby shower was beautiful before Tara went into labor though. Jerica was so good about hosting the whole thing, and Claudia catered it wonderfully. Lafayette fainted during the whole birth thing, but Serge stood outside the door the whole time. I think he's being a pretty good father figure, but I still have to wonder who the dad is. Tara seems in no mood to talk about it, so I'll wait until she's ready. Tara's got a good head on her shoulders, but where men are concerned, she's got some serious trust issues… though not without reason.

That was the 9th, and then the 17th, Eric and I had a few people over at his house. It was a real quiet thing, nothing big that could even be called a party, especially when one of the guests hid in a house plant that she tried her hardest to munch on, but the thing of it was, we had them over to invite them to Sweden with us.

That's where Eric and I decided to do our bonding ceremony after all. He hasn't explained too much what the ceremony's like, but bonding, I'm pretty familiar with, and he said it's almost like a wedding. He's been booking the trip and stuff, and we've been looking at locations online. It's a good thing he speaks Swedish, cause I don't understand a word of those webpages, and Google Translator could not be more useless. I'm thinking I've got to get a dress and stuff too, but I don't know what's appropriate to wear for that. I don't think I could do a wedding gown. It'd just seem inappropriate. What kinda outfit says, "I want to be tied in blood to you forever?"

We'll be gone from January 7th to the 14th, and I'm so excited. I think most everyone else is too. So far, Liam, Bianca, Lacey, Jack, Wes, Nolan, Jenny, Pam, Joanna, and Lily are coming, I think. We've been looking to ask Sookeh, but it's like no one's seen her lately. It's pretty weird.

I also know it's weird we're not bringing anyone from Bon Temps, but I don't feel like anyone there would understand. Eric and I didn't want anyone getting all object-y or angry during the whole thing, and I don't want to explain to everyone a billion times why I'm, "getting involved with a vampire," as they always put it. Tara would say I'm outta my darn mind, Jason would swear his sister was only marrying a vamp over his dead body, which Eric would offer to see to, and Lafayette would say vamps are nothing but trouble. Sam would probably have the same reaction, and I really don't want to lose my job, even if I am still on my leave of absence. Claude would throw a fit too and protest about fairies and stuff, and as much as I'd love to have family with me for something more important, none of my family would be real supportive, and I need supportive, not negative, for this.

The next night, we went to Melissa's wedding. That was real nice. It was in  Paris, can you believe it? Thank goodness for Claude and his poofy powers. He got himself all shopped out while we were at the wedding. Joanna was there too, since Lily was the flower girl, and after the beautiful ceremony, we all got to dance till she fell asleep and Claude took us home. It was a really fun break from stuff back home, and it made me even more sure that… well… that I want it to be me and Eric standing up there promising to love each other forever. Is that real sappy? It's pretty sappy, isn't it…

Then our White Elephant Christmas party was last night, and that was so much fun! It was crazy as could be, with guests coming and going and some having some inappropriate fun in my closet, which Eric promised to clean up, but goodness was it a fun time. Everyone got presents, some sentimental, some useful, some hilarious, and some just darn inappropriate, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. No one left empty-handed, and we were even able to send a few gifts to friends who couldn't make it.

I got a bottle of evil from Sookeh, and I'm kind of looking forward to using that on a special occasion. I'll think of something. Eric got a Swiffer from Jenny, of course. Everything was just… fun. It was all pretty relaxed, and people ate plenty of food, thankfully. My blood cake seemed to be a big hit, which is a relief, since I never know if vampires'll remember to chew or not. They seem to have trouble with the concept.

Lots of people couldn't make it since it's the holiday season and everyone's busy and all that, but I assured everyone that we'll have another party real soon. Eric seems to be starting to grasp that I really like entertaining and stuff, and he doesn't seem to mind it. He's seeming more comfortable spending time around people, though to be completely honest, I don't think he's fully healed yet. It's nothing anyone but me would notice, but once in a while… he's just in pain.I hate to see it, but I'm doing everything I can to make him as comfortable as I can. We'll take it real easy until the trip, despite Joanna's and Lacey's insistence that we have a bunch of shopping to do, and Eric agreeing wholeheartedly. I'm not real sure why, though. How much colder could Sweden be?

Overall, this is turning out to be one of the best holiday seasons so far. It's not even Christmas yet, and I've gotten to spend time with a bunch of friends, and we've welcomed a new one into the world. I've found new family, I have someone who loves me and who I love with all my heart, and what else could someone really want? Even Hundr's getting into the spirit with his new reindeer ears, though I only let him wear them when Eric's asleep, or he'd say I'm coddling the puppy. Despite all the bad stuff like witches and whispers of unhappy fairies or lurking drainers, it's been a really good holiday season so far, and there's still plenty of it left to enjoy.

Christmas Presents

It's still a little early, but Santa made some pre-Christmas deliveries this year, and I wanted to get a jump on posting them. Thank you to everyone, and happy holidays!

From Alyx and Dave

From Amber and Bubba

From Angie

From Arlene

From Bianca

From Chloe and Rylan

From Chloe and Rylan

From Claude

From Dakota

From Anna

From Hooligans

From Renesmee

From Lacey, Jack, and Wes

From Lafayette

From Lucian, Joanna, and Lily

From Melissa

From Pam

From Pixie

From Ryder

From Paula

From Sookeh from the White Elephant Party

White Elephant Presents

Pick your present, and see what you get!

A Christmas Celebration!

To: Liam & Bianca, Lacey & Jack, Brier & Jenny, Pam & Waylon

We hope you'll join us for this small holiday get together!

White Elephant Party!

Everyone is invited!

*Gifts can be anything: something you have and don't want, something from a second hand store... anything. DM it to one of us, and we'll wrap it up all pretty. Instead of gifts getting name tags, they'll get numbers. At the party, everyone will draw a number, and you'll get the corresponding gift.

A Romantic Weekend

This weekend was amazing. Really, better than I could've imagined. I think every little girl who's ever seen a Disney movie dreams of going to a ball, and I can't really say the Blood Ball was that, but it was so much fun.

I felt like a princess in the gown Eric bought me, and I was right, he was the most handsome man there, alive or not. We saw so many friends at the ball. I never expected to see Alyx, Dave, Lacey, Mena, or Pam there, even though Eric said some Area 5 people might be in attendance. I saw so many other friends there too, like Sookeh and her imaginary date, Caroline Bellefleur who seemed as overwhelmed by the change in scenery as I was, and so many other people, I can hardly keep track. The whole night was a whirlwind of dancing and Kayden's beautiful singing, and more dancing, and then some wonderful chocolate desserts and champagne.

It's all such a wonderful blur, and even I'm surprised at how much fun I had.

I think Eric enjoyed himself too. We could hardly wait to get back to the hotel room, even with his crazy driving, and it was only because I demanded he not hurt the gown that my dress wasn't torn to shreds. Nothing else I wore was so lucky.

Sunday was so romantic too. When Eric rose, he showed me the brochure that inspired him for the night.

Celebration in The Oaks™
December 1-31
New Orleans City Park
New Orleans’ premier holiday light show features grand live oaks and bayous transformed into a holiday wonderland, toured by car, horse-drawn carriage or by foot.  Unique exhibits include a Cajun Village decorated for the arrival of Papa Noël, Dinobration™, where the Jurassic past comes to life, a pirate ship, a three-ring circus and an animated jazz band.  Separate self-guided garden tours include nightly entertainment, train garden, amusement rides, miniature train tours of the lights and Creole delicacies. Open nightly 5:30-10:30pm.

We took a horse-drawn carriage ride through the holiday wonderland set up in the City Park, and it was exactly like something out of a book. Even Hundr came along, though he wasn't so sure whether or not he liked the horses. We skipped the part about the dinosaurs and the pirate ship, but the music was fantastic, and we even got to do a little more dancing, as though we hadn't spent hours doing just that the night before. Eric's an amazing dancer. I could dance with him for hours. I guess I already have.

The lights were all completely spectacular, and the gardens were beautiful. Everything was lit in the most beautiful way, and I even talked Eric into going on some of the rides with me. I couldn't talk him into the miniature train, partially because we weren't sure he would fit, but we did go on the ferris wheel. I took pity on him and didn't ask about the carousel, even though the painted horses on it were beautiful.

The food was delicious, and I ate in the gardens while Eric sipped a blood and whispered about what he'd rather be tasting. For once, I didn't protest. Everything felt so private and romantic. It was a wonderful night, and such an unexpected break from the stress at home.

Of course, some of the beauty of it was that it only lasted the weekend. Tonight, we went back to Shreveport, Eric driving at intolerable speeds all the way. I'm happy to be here, though. We'll spend a few nights decorating his house, since he was right and Angelo hasn't done a thing for it, and then Thursday is Tara's baby shower. Lafayette and I have some shopping to do before then, but I'm thinking of having Claudia cater the whole thing. She'll do a really professional job, and Tara really deserves something nice. Jerica is kind enough to have the whole thing at her house, and I'm sure Tara will appreciate not having to travel when she's due so soon. I'm really looking forward to the whole thing. I just sent out the invitations, and plenty of people have already responded.

After a magical weekend, it looks like this week is going to be pretty spectacular too. I love the holiday season.

He Loves Me

Eric Northman loves me. I've known it for a while now, but I honestly was never sure he'd actually get around to saying it. I wasn't sure he could say it. He's always talking about how he believes vampires can't love, or vampires can't be happy. I wasn't sure he recognized what it is he feels for me, even though I've known he feels it. I can feel he loves me when he holds me, or when he sees me when he wakes up, or even just when I'm heating up a blood for him. I've felt it, but I didn't really know if he'd say it. I didn't think he knew he loved me.

I never wanted to push him on it either. We've been dating since the beginning of June. That's almost six months, now. I wasn't sure about him at first, and our first date was somewhat of a disaster, but now I can't picture my life without him. I love waking up next to him, I love falling asleep while he holds me, I love making love with him, I love making meals with him, I love entertaining with him, and I love how he trusts me, and I love being able to trust him.

Certain things still make me uncomfortable, of course. I don't like when he spends too much on me, but he has gotten better about it. A lot better, really. And he's truly getting a lot more patient with my friends. He let Tara quit her job at the casino without a fuss, and is even agreeing to go to Shreveport with me to help out with the baby and all that. He didn't try to fight with Serge at Thanksgiving, or even insult him when I explained how many times he and Tara were bonded. Actually, he was great with all my friends at Thanksgiving. He seemed pretty relaxed, talking to Waylon while Waylon pigged out on all the wrong foods.

And now the holidays are here, and I've always thought they were completely romantic. Bill never wanted to do anything for them, of course, but to me they've always been about spending time with family and loved ones. I'm sure we'll have Jason over, maybe even Claude, but I'm just excited to spend them with Eric.

Decorating yesterday couldn't have gone better. We got the perfect tree, even if the way we found it was a little unconventional. I wonder if many couples just pick the tree they're standing next to when they stop to kiss for a while. Eric carried it to the car and into the house like it weighed nothing. I could hardly believe it, though I was a little worried about the whole thing. He's still healing, and I'm pretty sure carrying trees around doesn't help with that. Still, I didn't want to ask him about it and risk hurting his pride. He seemed fine with it, so I let him carry the tree. It was impressive. It usually takes Jason, Lafayette, Hoyt, and Terry to get the tree inside, and even then, it's more of a dragging than carrying.

Stringing the lights was so much easier with Eric there too. Not that I ever forget, but I'm always surprised at how tall he is. He reached the top of the tree with no problems at all, and I was pretty pleased with that. I always hate having to climb up on the ladder for that part. Somehow it never goes well.

Hanging the ornaments was a little tougher, only cause Eric kept coming up behind me and whispering dirty things in my ear. Not that I really complained, in fact I encouraged him just a little bit, but it still wasn't terribly productive. Those dirty things led to sweet things, though, and that was when he told me he loved me. I can still hardly believe it, even after he showed me just how much he loved me under the tree once we finished decorating.

Plenty of things are still uncertain. I don't really know what to do about my job. I'm hoping to talk to Sam about that tonight, among other things. Fangtasia still needs to be rebuilt, and Eric still needs to find a base of operations for his area. There are still a bunch of witches running around who need to be stopped.

I do know that Eric loves me, though, and that I love him. The rest we can figure out, but I know that's what matters most. We'll make our bond permanent by bonding again when it's right, and I can't wait for that night, because I really do believe him when he tells me there are many, many more years of decorating Christmas trees in our future.

Decoration Anticipation

Tonight, Eric and I are going to get our Christmas tree and decorate it together. I couldn't be more excited. This is my favorite time of year, and I'm so glad to get to spend it with someone who means so much to me. A year ago, I never would've imagined myself in this situation. Having Eric hear with me, knowing we have a future together... there could be no better present in the world.