Another Woman

I think most women would hate if their husband slept with someone else.

I tried to hate it a while ago when Eric would still visit Bianca’s bed. I certainly didn’t care much for her for throwing it back in my face. I’m still fairly certain she’ll kill me one day to have him back, but that bitch, excuse my language, is a piece of work.

So when Eric had sex with Pam for the first time since we’ve been married, it took me a bit to decide how I felt about it.

I know. Of course, I know. And he knows I know. He’d admit it if I asked him, but why bother?

I was upset about it at first. At least, in theory. Eric with someone else made my blood boil, honestly. But when I calmed down and really got to think about it, to consider that it was Pam we were talking about here… I couldn’t really be angry.

Pam and Eric’s relationship… it’s beautiful. It’s more complex than a friendship. They’re… like the perfect Maker and Child. I know how proud he is of her; I can feel it. I can feel everything he feels for her, and that’s why I know it wasn’t about the sex. Eric is mine just as much as I’m his, and vampires love that word a whole awful lot.

I guess that’s why I’m not angry. It wasn’t about the sex. It was never about sex. It was about closeness and comfort and reassurance and reenforcing their bond. How could I be mad about that? They’re vampires, and a relationship between a vampire and his child can be incredibly complicated. Eric loves and trusts Pam. Pam loves and trusts Eric. I love and trust both of them, though very, very differently.

So, even though I know I’m supposed to hate Pam now or whatever, all I want, what I desperately want, is for her to heal and get better so I can give her a big hug and go track down that creepy ginger witch for the last time.

Powerless

I don't think I've ever felt so powerless as I did last night.

Watching the battle against @PrinceVladTepes unfold around me while being unable to actually do anything myself was awful beyond words. I was surrounded by vampires, fairies, and a were, all faster, stronger, and far more powerful than myself, and the difference was nearly tangible to me.

I almost felt useful earlier in the day, too. When I identified all those Weres coming toward us long before they actually got near us, I felt like I was putting my gift to good use. Like I'd helped in a way only I could've. But really, I couldn't even get a clear read on them. They could've been anyone.

And then to be stuck at @RomanLucious', @ClaudeCrane's, and @MermaidKendra's hideout with @BrierFerrior and nothing to contribute and no way to get a message to @SheriffNorthman before sunset, I felt pretty helpless. That bothered me slightly less, though, because no one could do anything at that point. Claude needed to save his strength, not be pooling all around, and anything the rest of us did would've only given away the location. So, even though there was really nothing I could do, at least we were all in the same boat.

It was once I was inside The Prince's estate, sealed in by @WitchyHannah and @JadeChiara_ that I felt really powerless. Not against @DakotaARyan, of course. I probably could've taken her. But even she was a seriously costly distraction. With her making petty little threats at me and Brier while Roman and The Prince were bantering, I couldn't keep track of their conversation. I couldn't hear Vlad decide to kill me first. I couldn't prepare to defend myself.

That's pretty foolish thinking, though, isn't it? That I would've stood a chance of defending myself? Even with a silver dagger in each hand, I would've just annoyed him while he was ripping my head off. Even with vampire blood in me, I can't match their strength or speed, or even their senses. I could hardly see him coming. And even being part fairy, I don't have their powers. I didn't even know they had the powers they showed last night! So that left me, the human. Telepathy's not such a good weapon after all when you have The Prince of Darkness trying to kill you.

I'd be dead if it weren't for Brier. I say that with absolutely no exaggeration. He saved my life, and I am so grateful. There's no way, supernatural human or not, that I would have survived that hit from Dracula. In the end, even Brier didn't survive it, and he's so much stronger than I am. And had Roman not grabbed me out of the way, I probably would've been killed next, before I even knew what was happening. Sometimes I think I forget just how fast vampires are, and how deadly.

I was out of the fight after that, not that I could honestly say I was ever actually in it. The only reason I bled at all was because Dracula actually threw Roman at me. I was too focused on trying to keep Brier alive to even see him coming, but I came out of that with a pretty bad gash down my face and a pretty nasty accidental bite from Roman. That was hard to get up from, but Brier was fading, so I tried CPR. I didn't know what else to do. It gave him a few minutes, I think. I don't remember how long we went on for. It felt like eternity, as cliche as that sounds, but the idea of losing your friend after he'd just saved you… You can't imagine. I think I bled on him more than I actually helped, though. He kept choking on blood and, honestly, so did I. I don't know whose it was, probably both, but I kept trying.

By the time it was over and Roman had staked Vlad, Claude had set him on fire with lightening, Roman had drained a good deal of his blood, and Kendra had done some terrifying fae magic that ripped all the blood from his body, Brier was so close to gone, I'd almost given up. That was when the witches must've broken their circle, cause within moments, Eric was by my side. He assessed the situation, asked what happened, and started feeding his blood to Brier. I wasn't expecting it, but it didn't come as a surprise either. I can feel what Eric feels through the bond and, even if it was all jumbley, he didn't want Brier permanently dead. I didn't object, not that it would've been my place to, but I don't think Brier would've wanted to be permanently dead either. He was far too much a part of the vampire world to object to becoming one, I think. Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope not.

I don't know what comes next, for any of us. We have Dracula locked in a coffin, we're still in New Orleans, Brier will be dead for the next couple days and then a vampire, the fairies seemed pretty well tapped out. Someone has to tell @BrookeFerrior what happened. Her husband died saving me, so I should probably be the one to do that, but I want to check with Eric first, see what he says. @VampyJo and @WerepireLucian have their kids to get home to also, and that's just the basics. We don't know what the fallout from this will be. Roman apparently has a long-lost brother to catch up with, even if I'm not sure I actually trust @JulianAjax_, given how fast he switched sides. I owe my own brother a call too, since I never got around to that, but as far as family goes, I think I need to dig a bit deeper.

After my recent discussions with Claude about our family and after having met @SkyPrinceNiall, I'm actually considering Claude's advice to visit faery. Eric would hate it, I know that already, but Claude said that's the only way my powers are really going to grow. Maybe embracing that part of me, like I've started embracing my telepathy, isn't a bad idea.

I felt powerless last night. A good friend died to protect me when I couldn't protect myself. I don't know what it'll take, but I never want to be that powerless again.

Dracula & Babies

I feel like I haven't written in my journal in forever!

Things have just been so busy. I've been helping Eric with his reopening of Fangtasia more than I thought I was even capable of, but he seems to trust me with it. I'm designing a sort of… well, I won't get into it yet! It'll be a bit of a surprise, but anyone who saw my Thanksgiving menu won't be too shocked! Roman's excited, and he and Jessica have been wonderful guinea pigs for my experiments. Eric's cautious but has been real good about trying my concoctions.

We also redecorated his office. Well, just decorated. It was pretty blank, but Alcide did a great job with it! Even though the vampires give him such a hard time, Fangtasia really does look great! I can't wait for everyone to see it on the opening, Dracula Night!

We bought some furniture for it at IKEA in Houston, and even spent the night there! The hotel was so nice, I was surprised Eric could get reservations on such short notice, but he just laughed. That vampire thinks I'm so naive. Maybe I am, because I was impressed. Eric always impresses me, though. I don't think that vampire will ever quit making me swoon…

Unfortunately, it hasn't all been good news. I've been meeting with Portia a ton lately, which is great because she's such a lovely woman, but it's been about Gran. I realized after finding some legal documents in Gran's recipe box that I never really settled her estate. I guess just the shock of it all, with the murder and then having to go and try to not get murdered myself, aside from the funeral, that sort of stuff just fell through the cracks. Everyone knows the farmhouse is mine anyway, but it really is better to have it all taken care of the legal way. Portia's been so understanding about the whole thing, and so kind to me! I invited her, MeeMaw, the twins, Luke, and everyone else she can possibly think to bring to my house for dinner one night, probably after the opening when all this has died down a little. I hope sooner, but Eric's just been so busy, and I want him to get to know everyone. He knows how much I love entertaining, even if he doesn't understand it at all. Maybe MeeMaw will even bring Stan so he'd have a friend too! I don't think that's really how vampires work, since it sounds like I'm arranging a playmate and all, but we'll see, I'm excited anyway. It's great to have friends when dealing with tough subjects.

Speaking of tough subjects, Tara threw me for a darn loop this week! We went to Walmart to shop for some stuff for her new place, her, me, and Maya. It was great to see the little one; she's getting so big! That little girl has a real special place in my heart, between being named after Gran and being Tara's daughter.

Anyway, we ran into Sam. I was excited, because I wanted to tell him about the bonding ceremony and tell him I wanted to get back to work, but I forgot about all that real quick when Tara started shouting in her head about Maya having Sam's smile! I cannot believe she didn't tell me Sam's the father! I was somewhere between shocked and darn furious, to say the least. Sam deserves a place in Maya's life. I know Tara's heart was real broken when things between her and Sam ended, but it's just not right. A girl needs both her parents in her life, and it's not like Sam's a bad man. He's a really great guy, and I know he'd want to support her however she'd let him. I just don't understand what she's thinking. I made her promise to tell him soon, and I hope she goes through with it. She really better. Sam's missed enough moments in Maya's life already.

I was blessed to experience a great moment in Wes's life this week too. Lacey and Jack had a wonderful Christening for him. It was beautiful, though pretty shocking to see so many vampires gathered in a church. They seemed pretty uncomfortable, for the most part. Especially Roman. He broke a pew. Eric seemed pretty at ease with the whole thing, even made fun of Roman, though I didn't appreciate his tone in talking about the church. Nixie sat near us, and she didn't seem to believe in it either. I scolded them both for acting out of line. No one had to believe anything, just be respectful of Lacey and Jack celebrating their son. It was a nice ceremony, I think. Short. The guy doing it hit on Claude. That was awkward, but Bianca scared him off. No one saw him after that.

Everyone seems to be having kids, settling into families. Even I'm sort of married now. Things are so great you can almost forget the building tension of the vampire politics in Shreveport at the moment. It's almost easy to ignore the complications that Dracula Night should bring. It's almost easy to forget that a homicidal vampire and his crazy companion are poking their noses into Area Five's business, that batshit crazy witches are going around cussing Louisiana's vampires and that the name Hallow keeps popping up in the context of disappearances in the area. I almost don't mind that a fairy ancestor is trying to get involved with my life, bringing along the fairy that helped kill my parents.

Almost.

Shopping and Torture

 Friends make shopping less painful... but not by much.

Alright, it wasn't really so bad. I just feel so guilty. SO much money was spent, it made my head spin!

Eric said I needed new clothes for Sweden, because it's really cold there. I've only really experienced snow the once it snowed here, but I didn't really think that was so bad. Apparently, it wasn't, and everyone's worried I'll freeze to death. I don't think people can really freeze to death, but I can tell Eric worries about it, so I agreed to a shopping trip. Reluctantly. Very reluctantly.

He decided it'd be more fun for me if we invited some of our friends to come too. Lacey, Jo, Jenny, Pam, and even Claude came with us. It turned into such an ordeal. After some truly traumatizing discussion about my behind, or decided lack-thereof, we were off to the stores. No one let me do any discount shopping. It wasn't very nice of them.

It was all such a whirlwind of way-too-high prices. I don't know what all was gotten, but I do know it all cost a fortune. I tried to stick to real basics and warm stuff, practical things that could be used a bunch of times, with a few exceptions. Lingerie, obviously, though I tried not to get anything too expensive, since Eric shreds it all to pieces anyway. The other exceptions were the dress and shoes I got for the bonding ceremony. Eric insisted on something special since it's a real special occasion, and I agree completely, but oh my goodness. That Herve Leger guy makes a real expensive dress, and those shoes with the red bottoms cost a fortune! Eric didn't seem to mind, but Pam got four pairs! I also got real practical snow boots and stuff, so I don't freeze to death, even though I really don't believe in that.

Eric got some other stuff he put away and won't let me see. He thinks I don't know about it, and he feels pretty proud of himself over it, so I don't want to ruin his fun. It is a special occasion, and I hope he knows he can't spend like that all the time, or ever again, but this really does mean a lot, and I guess Sweden probably is pretty cold, and regular jeans and a t-shirt would be pretty uncomfortable.

Oh! I also invited Claude to come with us. He's real worried about Niall finding out about the whole thing, but he promised to keep it a secret. I don't really think Niall should get a say in the whole thing anyway, since I've yet to actually meet the guy, but it does mean a lot to me that Claude's coming. Even if I haven't known him too, too long, and even if he's pretty overly critical sometimes, he's family. I tried talking to him again about dating Appius, which made me realize I really do love Claude like family already. I definitely worry about him like family.

Speaking of worrying, this witch situation doesn't really seem to be getting much better. Eric and I went to Fangtasia earlier this week because apparently Pam's keeping some prisoners there. He wanted me to read Ashley's mind. That girl is gonna get herself killed one of these days, getting into all these messes. They wiped her mind and asked me to read her to make sure she didn't remember anything, which I did, and she didn't. The whole thing made me so uncomfortable for obvious reasons, but what made me even more uncomfortable was the fact that I didn't utter a word of protest the whole time.

It made me wonder if I'm changing, if I'm becoming someone I don't want to be. Maybe I'm cruel for ignoring what they did to her, or ignoring the fact that there's a witch locked up in that basement like I never heard. Maybe I'm just not naive enough to believe a good talking to is gonna impact these bloodthirsty witches and make them change their ways. I want the ones I love and all the innocent people out there to be safe, and if that means someone who kills might die...

But I can't really stand the thought of being okay with that either. There's always a chance at redemption, isn't there? Though the last time I thought a V-addict was gonna redeem themselves, I ended up with a bunch of nasty knife wounds, and the guy ended up dead anyway. I don't know. I'd do anything to protect Eric, to protect my friends, to protect my family. I guess right now, "anything" means loving Eric even if he has a witch tortured in the basement of his club so he can find out who's behind all this and stop them.

I guess I can do that, but the blood's on my hands too, no matter what Eric says.

They're not the nicest thoughts to have when planning my bonding ceremony to Eric, but since when has reality ever been real nice? I'm darn lucky to be alive right now, and even luckier to have someone to love, and someone who loves me. I know that, and I'm so grateful for it. I might not like some of the darker realities of our situation right now, but I know that the man I love is protecting me and protecting the people he cares about. That has to count more than anything else. It has to.

Anyway, there's so much on my mind to distract me from all of that, and I'm grateful for that too. We'll get a vacation from all this nasty witch business when we go away, and everyone needs that. Life in Shreveport is never boring, but I'll be darn glad to get away from it, if only for a week. It's a very special occasion, and it's one I'm looking forward to with everything I am. Even with a bunch of witches bent on hating vampires, I'm fully focused on loving mine... very frequently!

Rescuing Eric

Okay, so I can't really say I rescued Eric. From the freezer, maybe, but not from the fire.

I stayed outside Fangtasia all day, alternating between trying to find ways to sneak into the building, arguing with firemen, and sitting there waiting for the sun to set. Every minute was painful, knowing there was nothing I could do to help, but I had to stay and wait for my opportunity.

Once the sun set, it seemed the firemen became less determined to watch the building. The fire was out, and sure, it might not have been structurally sound, but they weren't anxious to stay hanging around a vampire club after dark. That was fine by me, especially since it gave me the opening I needed to sneak around the back and get into the club while they weren't looking.

The place was a disaster. Every room was burned out, there wasn't a surface that wasn't scorched. It was a mess. I don't know how they'll rebuild it. Eric's office was just... painful to look at. I felt sick when I saw what was inside, so I hurried past.

I called for him, but there was no answer. Finally after a little while searching, I heard some shuffling from the walk-in freezer. I knocked on the door, opened it, and there was Eric. He was freezing, and burned, and bloody, and it tore at my heart. I needed more than anything else to take care of him. He was disoriented, and not himself. I made sure no one was outside and gave him my jacket to cover himself before leading him outside. I took him to my car, and he asked me where I'd take him. I told him I'd take him to my house, and he didn't argue or insult Bon Temps once.

This wasn't the assertive, decisive Eric who's always in control. This wasn't the vampire who meticulously manipulates every situation to his advantage. This Eric needed to be cared for, to be protected, to be loved. And that was exactly what I wanted to do for him. I'd been so close to losing him like I've lost so many others I've loved. My parents, Gran, those losses nearly destroyed me. I knew losing Eric would break my heart beyond any repair.

I couldn't stand him when I met him, and I certainly didn't trust him, but over the past six months, he's really proved himself to me. After dating him for four of those, he's become so important to my life. It's not empty when I say I love him. It's not naive or meaningless or fleeting. It's not the blind trust I had with Bill. Eric's had to work for every ounce of trust I have in him, and he's earned it. He's saved me, time and time again, whether it's from physical danger or emotional pain. He's told me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not, whether it helped him to tell me or hurt him. He's taken care of me when I've fought him on it every step of the way.

Now, it's my turn to take care of him, and I'm happy to do it. Not that I'm happy he's hurt, so far from it, but I'm happy he's letting me take care of him when he clearly needs someone to lean on. He's trusting me, and for someone as guarded as Eric, that means a lot. I cleaned him off, which wasn't easy, and heated some of the blood I took from his house for him. He drank while I cut his clothes from his body, which wasn't easy, given that they were caked in frozen blood and ash and who knows what else. He didn't want me to see his wounds, but I wouldn't let him shy away from me. I handled it, though it hurt me to see each one, and there were so many.

I made him tell me what happened, every bit of it, even though he didn't think I could handle it. It hurt to listen to, I'm not gonna lie. It made me angry, and sad, and it broke my heart to hear how these two witches could do this to him. He had holes in his body where he'd torn himself from the stakes that pinned him to his desk. No human could've survived even half the injuries he sustained. It made me sick so many ways over. Everyone says vampires are cruel. Humans can be just as bad.

I ran a bath for us once he'd had as much blood as he could handle for the moment, and had to drain it twice because it got so dirty. I washed his hair, his body, and let him rest against me the whole time, trying to avoid hurting him worse. I think it helped to clean off what we could. I told him of how I'd tried to help him, and he said he'd felt me there before sunrise. It was some relief to hear that it helped him, though I would've gladly gone in after him if given the chance. He confessed that this wasn't the worst thing to happen to him this year, and I made him tell me what else had gone on. There was so much I didn't know, and nearly all of it painful to hear. Eric's stronger than anyone gives him credit for. It's no wonder he's so guarded. He seemed to let some of that go around me, and I think it was a relief for both of us. I asked him to drink from me, and he bit my wrist. He seemed to feel a little better after that.

After that, we got into bed. It was close enough to dawn that we were both exhausted. We were both safe, and clean, and dry, and it would've been easy to fall asleep on any other night, but I didn't want to close my eyes. I was too afraid of waking up and finding him gone. I'd come too close to losing him to want him out of my sight. He seemed to feel the same, because he asked me if I'd be there when he rose. I said yes, of course. How could I leave him? The idea of leaving Eric alone when he was so vulnerable was unthinkable. He finally convinced me to sleep, and since it was close to dawn, I'm pretty sure he followed quickly. He needed it worse than I did.

I stayed in bed with him all that day. Hundr joined us for a bit, which was nice. He seemed glad to see Eric too, though I didn't let him jump all over the sleeping vampire like I normally do. There was no reason for him to wake up sore. When Eric woke again, he was hungry. I brought him to the kitchen and made both of us breakfast. I microwaved some of the blood from Shreveport for him, and I made scrambled egg with cheese and bacon and some toast for myself. It was natural, organizing everything, making conversation with him as I moved around the kitchen. It was sort of effortless, and even Eric remarked on how nice it was just to sit and talk and eat with each other.

It's really the vision of a home I've always wanted and never thought I could have. Making breakfast for me and my man after waking up, making conversation, exchanging smiles while I cooked. Sure, we were eating breakfast when I normally eat dinner, and it was moonlight instead of the sun shining through the window, but none of that mattered. It felt so right.

I told Kayley that Eric was attacked by witches, when she called on behalf of Roman. I'm a little angry he didn't call himself. The witches were after him in the first place, and not only did he not help when Eric needed him, but he didn't even call. He must've felt Eric's pain too, but he was too busy to respond to my text? He had to ask his girlfriend to call for him? I adore Kayley, and of course this concerns her, I'm just angry Roman's letting Eric down. I felt the same way when Pam called, and I think Eric did too, since he commented on how she didn't return my call when I called her asking for help. I put her on speaker when she called, and Eric mostly spoke. He said she didn't sound worried about him because she could tell he was being well taken care of. I'm going to make sure he is.

After breakfast, I talked Eric into watching The Godfather. It wasn't hard, considering I'm pretty sure he would've done anything I'd ask him to right now. I don't like having that power over him, and I'm going to make sure not to use it. I picked The Godfather cause I thought it'd help him understand Angelo a little better, and he said Angelo was sent by his Maker as a punishment. I figured if they understood each other a little better, it wouldn't be such a punishment for each of them. I really want to help Eric, and this seemed like an easy enough way. Thankfully, we got through the movie before our cuddling turned into something a little less clothed.

I don't know what the future holds for me and Eric. I've been worried in the past about growing old while he stays the same age, worried about getting all wrinkled and ugly while he's still gorgeous, worried about him getting tired of me. Now, I think we'll be lucky if we live long enough to have those problems. I don't think Eric's going to get tired of me. I think we're connected past that point. We're both in danger every day of our lives (or un-lives). I want to enjoy every day with him, not worry about the future.

He asked me to bond with him a third time. A third bond is permanent. I'll always feel him, and he'll always feel me. We'll always be with each other. He told me I could have time to wait and consider it, but I already know my answer. So few things in life last. People die, people change, move away, start new lives. Nothing lasts forever, but some things in life are worth fighting like hell to keep. What I feel for Eric is one of them. He's offering the chance to have this bond with him forever, something he's never wanted with any other human before. I want that. I want the chance to be with him for as long as possible, and I want to do everything in my power to keep him, to keep what we have. He said we shouldn't rush into it, and I agree.

We'll bond again when we're ready, and for now, I'm just happy to have him safe and with me.