Stranger Danger

I had my first official job as a Supernatural Consultant last night. I wish I could be happy about it, but the circumstances were just too awful. I'm still counting it as my first job, since I got to be helpful, even though I wouldn't accept payment.

Someone's threatening @WereLily. Pictures of her playing on the playground at school were delivered to @BarWithABite, covered in blood. @SheriffNorthman's blood, to be exact. How sick is that? Apparently they were delivered sometime during the trip to NOLA, but Eric didn't mention it. I'm annoyed that he didn't, but I kind of get why he'd want to keep something like this contained. @VampyJo must have been flipping out the entire time. I know I would have been. I guess that's why @WerepireLucian left a little early. I'm glad he went home to protect her.

@BiancaNorthman was able to catch the man who delivered the photographs to Fangtasia. She kept him in the basement and obviously beat him up. It's awful that I can tell it was her and not Chow or Pam, just by what was done. I don't like that there's so much violence or that I'm getting so familiar with each vamipre's signature, but I guess I can't really blame her for beating the guy up when she saw the pictures. If they were sent to me, I'd probably want to hurt someone too.

The basement/dungeon of Fangtasia isn't really a fate I'd wish on anyone, though, especially since the guy was just the messenger. Apparently our vampires haven't heard the saying about messengers, though, because Eric definitely had him killed after I read his mind. The man was a V-addict with dangerous connections, so I guess it's for the best, but that part of me that argued with Eric that all life is special still rails against the thought. 

I was able to read some thoughts from the man's mind, though it didn't go completely smoothly because he was so damaged from all the drugs. Eric took Bianca to look into the lead I dug up, but he came home just before dawn and in no mood to talk, so I didn't get to ask him about it. Judging by the mood, I think it's safe to guess they didn't catch the "red man" they were looking for. I hope they do soon, before he can hurt Lily or anyone else.

I wonder what it says about me that I didn't even try to save the addict's life last night. I hid behind the idea that Eric would honor our deal and not kill the man, and I'm sure he didn't, but I'm equally sure that the man is dead and will never be found. I didn't speak a word in protest, and I won't ask about it or try to lecture him or anything. Being bonded to Eric as long as I have, I understand that he truly believes this was part of eliminating a threat to his family. I can't really argue with that. V-addicts can be extremely dangerous, and this particular one was being used by an even more dangerous man, but I really wish there was an alternative to killing him.

I think believing that all life is special is part of being human. It's something I truly believe, so why didn't I protest when I knew Eric would have his prisoner killed? Why am I not more upset with the idea that they'll kill this "red man" when they find him? A threat to Lily is a threat to our family, so does that mean I'm okay with killing to protect it? Does that make me any less human if I am? And if I don't have my humanity, then what am I?

Call It Hiding

So, I didn't go to @BarWithABite tonight. @SheriffNorthman's there right now, in fact, but I just wasn't up for it. Explaining it to Eric's always a bit humbling, but I'd be hard-pressed to find a more understanding vampire. I love being with him as much as possible and I know me being there has a soothing effect on him but, some nights it's all I can do to soothe myself when I'm there.

Everyone thinks I have my telepathy issues under control and, for the most part, I do. It's not so bad anymore, especially now that I'm so deeply connected to Eric. He's like a rock for me, when everyone else's thoughts come crashing into my head. I can just anchor myself to him and I don't get so lost. That doesn't mean it's not overwhelming at times, though.

Usually @Merlottes_BT isn't so bad. I'm focused enough on my job that it's not hard to block everything else out and I almost always work days, which are never terribly busy. Eric wonders why I still work there at all, but that's some musing for another time. Point is, it's not so loud inside my head at Merlotte's anymore. It has such a supernatural draw these days anyway that there are days I only see a handful of full-blooded humans. Such a change from years ago, but people've mostly adjusted now. It has been about half a dozen years since vampires came out of the coffin. I think people are adjusting pretty well, all things considered. You know, mostly.

Merlotte's isn't bad and being out in public isn't bad or anything. I've had plenty of practice controlling all that. I prefer small crowds, but even the larger ones, people are mostly so focused on themselves that they're not projecting or even thinking too much. I'm not saying crowds are my thing or anything like that, but it's a process.

Fangtasia's my toughest spot. You'd think that with that many vampires it'd be nice and quiet, but definitely not. People's thoughts just scream at me in there. Even with all I've been training over the years, and there has been a lot of training and practice, it's still rough for me. The thoughts are loud and vulgar and overwhelmingly strong, and I have Eric's feelings from the bond to process on top of that. Being with Eric makes it better, especially when I can stay in physical contact with him, but that's not always possible, and it's not always possible to hide back in his office. I can always get a private booth, even when it's busy, but that's not much protection from the onslaught.

Really, most nights I can take it, but some nights like tonight, I just don't have the energy. Telepathy's not a switch I can turn on and off. It's a struggle all the time. I draw strength from my bond with Eric and I'm pretty good at blocking most stuff out, but it takes more focus than I have on nights like these.

I'm worried about this whole @PrinceVladTepes situation, and I can tell Eric is too. @BrierFerrior is too, and I can't even block out his thoughts sometimes. I know @BrookeFerrior isn't pleased with him being involved in this mess, and I can't blame her. Not that it looks like I'll ever have kids of my own, but if I were ever pregnant, I think I'd be worried sick about my husband charging into such a dangerous situation. As it is, I'm scared for Eric. I've watched as the Prince almost tore his head from his body. I'd die before I'd let that happen to him again, or let anything else happen to him for that matter. I can't help but think of how much everyone has to lose in this. That kind of thinking can throw a telepath's focus off real easy.

So I avoided it tonight. Maybe it was cowardly and maybe I was hiding, or maybe I saved Eric the stress of seeing me struggle for control over my own thoughts but, especially on such a busy Friday night, I just wouldn't be able to take it. Last thing anyone needs is me causing some sorta scene, anyway.

I can't wait for Eric to get home, though. I can't wait to hold him in my arms and comfort him, because I know he has the same fears I do. We're both worried not everyone will make it through this and that the wrong people will die. I can't wait to take his mind off some of those concerns, even though I share them. We find solace in each other, and if I can give my bonded even a bit of that since my nerves haven't been frayed from a night spent fending off other people's thoughts, it'll be worth not having spent the night at his side... almost.